Facepalm Marketplace

stop making purchases under duress!

Greetings dear reader from the halfway point of my “No Buy” month,

My best girl and I (hi Jamey!) are indulging in a month of self-denial that I have coined “No Spendtember.” There are many reasons one might engage in such a challenge, but for me personally it was a recent Facebook Marketplace fail.

I know from past experience that one should not make purchases when they are feeling “hot.” Every purchase that I have ever regretted was made this way: expensive tiles (pressured by a sale), loads of new makeup (frothing with U.S tariff spite), an enormous $400 dress made out of a scratchy old tablecloth (it was the last one!).

Here is the Marketplace photo of a jute rug I frantically bought a couple years ago. You can tell here that it doesn’t lay flat, is ugly, AND is too small for my living room. None of this stopped me from having the seller put it in an uber for me right this second. The moment I opened the trunk and saw it, I knew that I had made a mistake.

this was in November of 2022 and I still cringe

I tried to sell it on Marketplace, but there were no takers. When I realized I was stuck with it, I chopped it up and scattered its remains throughout my apartment as a reminder:

if you feel like you must have it right this second: wait.

My most recent FB MP bungle was made, I now see, out of envy. Of course at the time I was simply convinced I needed patio furniture. Right. This Second. Here, dear reader, is how it went down.

I recently mentioned that the massive Victorian house across from our squat lil apartment building is undergoing a loud and prolonged renovation. These renovations are contagious, it started 5 Victorians north and has moved down the line. From my kitchen table, I have been able to see at least one portapotty at any time in the last 3 years. Right now I am listening, as always, to hammering and back-up beeping.

In the midst of last month’s PMS, as I stood on my derelict cement balcony scowling down at the loudly laughing neighbours sitting on their fully furnished porches like kings and queens, trying to find a way out of what I know in my heart is an unjust dislike of them, it hit me: my real problem is that I too need a comfy outdoor space.

Let the frantic, hormonally charged shopping BEGIN!!!

Obviously I needed those warm little Italian trattoria lights like the neighbours. Easy. And I already had a little table that could go outside. What I really needed is a luxurious plush place to stretch out. Common sense dictates that any old couch is perfect for a balcony, but common sense has left the chat. I go straight to the IKEA website and decide that the only thing that will make me happy is a NÄMMARÖ Modular corner sofa, 3-seat, outdoor light brown stained/Frösön/Duvholmen beige.

After tax and delivery this would cost $1200. If delivery had been faster I might have pulled the trigger even though I straight up could not afford this. The thing about these hot purchases is that they are not about the object itself, they are about a feeling. Specifically they are about escaping a bad feeling and some part of us knows that that bad feeling will probably resolve or clarify with time, but the craving is powerful and in my mind only a patio couch could resolve it SO I spent an unholy amount of time on Marketplace looking for that dopamine hit.

I found this thang, BNIB (brand new in box, baby) a 45 minute drive away, for $350.

A quick measure revealed that my balcony is too narrow for the sectional to work so it would only be a couch, BUT it came with a cute little table that would be a great housewarming gift for my sister. In my heightened state of desire, where only a $1200 Ikea sectional felt like it could relieve me, this was like I can’t afford not to! I stayed up late into the night making collages of what this couch might look like with various IKEA flooring etc.

If you have ever seen IKEA Runnen flooring you know how utterly useless and inaccurate this rendering is

Between searching for it, driving to get it and assembling it, I spent well over a full day “solving” this patio “problem.” And that’s not counting the time it takes to earn $350. This was a month ago (the traditional time to buy patio furniture is the end of summer yes?).

My balcony is much nicer now and I use it almost every day. The lights, which cost $50, and the table, which was free, made it a lovely place to eat and work. I mean, look at these before and afters.

BEFORT

Found this big hutch on the roadside!

AFERT

Obviously the biggest improvement is losing the GIANT A/C but I am pleased with my use of a door as a privacy screen.

BOFERT

Yes those are the famous Victorians in the background. Yes that is the door that became a lil wall. The one behind it became a countertop! #puttering

ATREF

That little corner shelf was also a road find. Recognize that little jute rug?

The royal wave from my elegant balcoon.

I have sat on the couch twice. Once to test it, and once to write the beginning of this post, two weeks ago. I’m not saying $350, or $1200, or even $12000 is poorly spent on these types of home improvements. I’m saying, to myself, that I would be just as happy (happier?) with a free couch from the streets.

It’s now been a month of No Spendtember. I did a good job of buying nothing other than necessities. I feel like I’m a pretty frugal guy already so I was surprised how many times I found myself NOT buying something I would have bought. I saved an unexpectedly absurd amount of money and I think achieved a nice little reward centre rewire.

Have you ever done a no buy? Did you keep it up? The big takeaway for me is that I have a real “treat” mentality. And a real sense that any unexpected money should be spent right away on.. whatever I want! My fear is that when the clock rolls over into Who Gives a Fucktober I will undo my gains as a “reward.”

When I am hit with a real desire to buy an iced Americano (we have coffee at home!) or a pair Vans slip ons (on sale tho!) (but I already have a pair!) I’ll hopefully remember to repeat the immortal words of the artist Barbara Kruger:

You want it.

You buy it.

You forget it.

Thank you so much for reading this far!

As always, your humble servant,

PS it is completely deranged to try to sell you something after writing this BUT (lol) for my Toronto readers: if you want to take a Joyful Still Lives class and you buy it, I swear you will never forget it! I have a six week Sunday class starting at noon on November 9 and a six week Monday class starting the next evening!

I am also aware that holiday work parties are on the distant horizon. May I suggest a fun team building activity like … painting still lives? Let’s chat!